16 April 2015

Day 16 post op

It gets tougher as days passed by. Kadang2 mama rasa takut nak bangun pagi dan drive ke hospital, takut nk mendgr update terbaru Irfan, takut nk menerima kenyataan yg agak pahit utk ditelan. Bila mama tak update blog, maknanya mama terlalu sedih utk berkata2..down.. rasa sgt lemah. Deep down inside i know the surgery has failed, they are still looking up for answers, dan mama abah hanya mampu berserah dan berdoa sayang. Jika ini yg ditakdirkan utk irfan, kami akan terima dan redha insya Allah.

Byk kali doktor2 di sini tanya mama..are u a doctor? prof lucy di icu ni siap tanye..are u a paeditrician? mungkin derng pelik bila dgr mama sebut byk medical terms yg jarang org sebut. Derang x tahu siang mlm mama google n korek segala mcm info tentang penyakit sayang ni. Byk yg mama belajar..tp tak dinafikan, semakin byk yg mama tahu, semakin takut mama nk menghadapi hari2 yg mendtg sayang..Allah je yg tahu. Ada hikmahnya mama tak amik matriks sains bio kat ukm dulu. Mama mungkin boleh lulus cemerlang, tp rasanya mama x boleh jd doktor sbb mama terlalu lemah part nk kawal emosi. Silap hb mama menangis sama2 dgn mak pak patients hehe. Lagi satu, kalo mama pegi ukm dulu, mesti mama x jumpa abah sayang yg cool dan hensem tuh hehe. Untung sgt sayang ada abah yg sentiasa nmpk tenang, positif dan support mama everytime mama berduka. Ish abah mesti perasan bila baca ni :p

Laryngomalacia is a journey that we never planned, but insya Allah we will guide n embrace it together with you. Be strong sayang, moga dgn izin Allah irfan akan sembuh suatu hari nanti..amin.

13 April 2015

Day 13 post op

Prof did a scope again this morning. Swelling subsided alhamdulillah. Nevertheless irfan at certain times seem unable to swallow his saliva, his secretions are still a lot, and they now referred him to a GI (gastro specialist) n recommend for a barium swallow study to be done. It could be the severe silent reflux that is causing his LM to be getting worse n not improving despite the supra surgery to correct his larynx. Yesterday evening irfan looked very unsettled, unable to sleep n kept crying even after feeding. The doctor on call increased his o2 support back to level 6 to reduce the distress.

Insya Allah mlm ni surau TS akan mengadakan solat hajat buat Irfan. Jumaat lepas alhamdulillah surau di ofis mama buat solat hajat utk irfan, semua atas jasa ex-bos mama (tq bos!:). Untung irfan, ramai yg tlg mendoakan sayang..special sungguh anak mama yg sorang nih!

2 minggu mama berkampung di icu, byk perkara yg mama belajar sayang. Erti sabar, erti sebenar usaha, doa dan tawakal. Melihat bayi dan kanak2 lain yg sakit di sekeliling irfan, mmg sgt menginsafkan mama. Ada baby chinese tu katanya kes dia lg complicated dr sayang, parents dia jauh duk kat seremban, jarang mama nmpk derng. Bila terserempak dgn ayah dia, kami sama2 bertukar senyuman..senyuman yg pahit sayang...mama tahu masing2 menaruh harapan..dlm pd yg sama berduka dan sedih bila lihat anak di depan mata terlantar tidak berdaya. Kakak yg buat fisio kat sayang tadi ckp..ada ibu tu ketiga2 anak dia menghidap CP..Allahurabbi besarnya dugaan ibu tu. Mesti ibu tu sgt kuat kan...jika tidak masakan Allah berikn ujian sebegitu besar buat dia....

Mama percaya Allah Maha Adil...Mama yakin Allah takkan menguji mama dan abah jika kami x mampu mengharunginya. Mama percaya sayang akan sembuh suatu hari nnt..mama dan abah akan cuba utk terus kuat, bersabar dan sentiasa meminta dariNya. Moga Allah mendengar rintihan mama..moga Allah berikan kesembuhan buat permata hati mama yg special nih...amin.

Tidur lena2 yer sayang malam ni..jgn nangis byk sgt..nnt mama risau. Sweet dreams..i love you.

12 April 2015

Day 12 post op

Irfan is still on cpap machine. They tried to reduce the level fr 6 to 5 and see if he can tolerates well with the reduced o2 support. Secretions are still a lot, hence the frequent suctioning. His recessions look improving n not as bad as before alhamdulillah. The doctors also decide to stick with ebm and believe it will help a lot in building his own antibodies...insya Allah (Dr Alexis ckp susu Novalac AR tu taste awful hihi)

Semlm mama dan abah hantar abg2 ke rumah nek umi kejap..so that abah pun boleh stay kat hosp tgk Irfan :) Oh ujian kafa first sem baru2 ni abg idlan dpt no 1..abg firas no 2. Mama dgn abah mmg x sangka part abg firas tu hehe. Paling best, dia mintak hadiah nk main ipad tiap2 hari haha sabor jela. Insya Allah bila sayang dah baik, kite keluar celebrate sama2 yer. Mama tahu abg2 dh boring lama x keluar jln2 hihi.

Semlm lepas blk hospital kami semua pegi bli buku latihan utk abg2. Sian abg idlan, mama langsung x sempat nk buat revision dgn dia tahun ni. Jadi skang ni kami dh antar abg idlan pegi tuisyen. Kalau tidak dulu2 mesti abah dgn mama yg ragging dia belajar setiap kali nk exam :p Tahun ni mama langsung x sempat sentuh buku abg idlan..x tahu ape yg dia blajar etc. Abg firas takpe, baru darjah 1..jadi mama abah x risau sgt. kasi chance dia enjoy lagi...

Ok sayang, mama dh abis pam. Sweet dreams. Jgn lupa mimpikan mama abah yer :)